A Sign of the Times

I know everyone is dissatisfied with our new administration, but I gotta just say, the state of affairs was a pretty shitty inheritance to begin with. As a high school graduate in 1991, my senior year saaw the destruction of the Berlin Wall. For our 10th anniversary we saw the destruction of the World Trade Towers and the end of any false sense of security that we had as Americans. What will our 20 anniversary bring? I can only imagine, but I've been thinking about it ever since I've started work on the reunion. Yesterday, I went out to run some errands and I saw a sight I'd seen many times before, but for some reason it seemed completely new to me. I live out in the country, in farmland, and at the four way stop up the road, where there is a big gravel flat patch, there was a car parked. This in and of itself wasn't unusual, but there was a new factor that was something I'd never associated with this "neck of the woods." Standing by the road, family gathered around, was a man holding a sign that said "Family in Need." Now, I've seen people holding up signs regarding their own destitution before, especially after liVing in New York, but that's something we normally associate with single individuals. Maybe because if we think of them simply as bums without families that don't live up to societal responsibilities then we don't have to think of all the people that may have been in that person's life. I'd never seen an entire family of "beggars." I know full well that there are millions of people out there, families, living in poverty. Many of my students live in these conditions. There was just something about that scene that struck me, I felt the need to pull over and take a picture, as it seemed to sum up precisely the historical moment so many of us seem to find ourselves in, although we are lucky enough to ponder it and appreciate that it is not us. This family had their car and each other, and they banded together on a hot day to ask for help. Although I wish for the American family to become strong and united, I certainly have to say that I hope never to see it in this circumstance again.

Round and Round and Back to the Same Old Same Old

Meh. That's life at the moment, simply meh. There's a name for it - anhedonia - greek. An - lack of, hedon - pleasure. Not unhappy. Simply.... flavorless. Apparently it's common among meth abusers and bipolar patients. Because both experience such intense highs and lows, anything in the middle is simply, well.... meh. Hard to find motivation when there's no real pleasure in accomplishing something. Course, I haven't accomplished much recently, so I guess I can't say that. I was so excited about vacation and I had a blast! Now I'm not excited about anything. I've heard that being bored is the sign of a boring person. I know life's not boring and there's plenty to be excited about. I just can't feel it right now, and that makes me feel a little.....meh.

Beach Adventure

Just gotback from the beautiful beaches of Clearwater, Florida. Saw some sting rays and my personal favorite, dolphins. They are so beautiful and graceful, and for some unkown reason, they actually appear to like people. Now, beautiful and graceful I can do nothing about, but I'm trying real hard to model the third leg of that triumvirate. It's not always easy. Other people aren't always the biggest problem, ether. I find that more often than not, when a human being lets me down, that very person is me. For instance, I have a problem with money. The less I have, the more I feel the need to spend. It's infuriating. And then I'll go and do something stupid, like lock my keys in my trunk,and I'll set myself back another $400I don't have to begin with. I'm usually okay at the time, I don't panic. I just take care of business, cause what else are you gonna do? Turn back the hands of time and not set down the keys? I would LOVE to have that talent. But.... And Alohomora just doesn't seem to work without the wand. So there we were, stuck in the parking lot of the condo, waiting for the locksmith to arrive, when I came to the realization that my problem with money has to stop. I've taken steps to grownupdom, like opening a savings account and clearing up my credit report, but the reality of being a good money manager has yet to sink in. And it needs to change, soon. Cause right now I'm worth more dead than I am alive. And that bites.

A Standing Motif

More often than not, I seem to begin with "Well, it's been awhile," and this time it's no different. It has been awhile. But the world keeps turning and life goes on regardless of whether or not I document it at any regular interval. Have had a great summer so far, seen many friends and visited many new places. Even bought a new car,which was momentous for me since I've been lucky enough to always get hand-me-downs when I needed wheels. I've always been of the mentality that a car is a car. If it takes you from point a to point b then it has done it's job admirably. I now know how ignorant I was about the fine machine that is the automobile. This car is so fabulous, I don't even know where to begin other than I can now understand people's fascination with them. Smooth and powerful accelleration is a total rush. A guilty pleasure. So, although this post started out with a common, repeated theme, I guess we are here shifting over to the theme of movement, which seems present in several aspects of my life. Love that feeling where new things are happening because I've worked and set them into motion. Makes me feel....effectual. That's a nice place to be.

That Month Flew By...

Yikes. Been awhile. Another month rolls by furiously with no account. The capacity of time to fly by while the live experience of it appears to crawl never ceases to amaze me. It's not so much that I was wishing the month to pass but that was wishing for each day to end. Sometimes energy escapes me. The internal effervescence shuts off as quickly as water from the tap and I'm drained. A month that goes by without feeling productive beyond the daily grind seems so lackluster and dreary. The new month seems to have started off better, however. Hopefully.

Another Sign of Old Agedom

Saturday evening I found myself at a birthday party for a little girl I'll call Ribia. I use this name in honor of Ribia's cousin, who can not yet pronounce her true name and has come up with her own adaptation. Ribia was turning three, and as we all know, being three is synonymous with curiosity, unyeilding excitement and energy that puts the Enegizer Bunny to shame. The birthday party palace, Jumpin'Jelly-something, was a warehouse filled with a huge adult-size blow-up jumping, climbing and sliding playground. With children bouncing and giggling everywhere, it was easy to forget that at my age, my tendons and ligaments are pretty secure and comfy where they are and they don't take too kindly to be stretched, yanked and pulled in all directions. As a matter of fact, the body gets quite cranky when forced out of its regular routine. So as much as I enjoyed being able to climb that 6-foot rockwall and throw myself down the slide on the other side, I am not enjoying walking around with an ice pack and being unable to move without pain today. Ah, the joys of getting old...

Addiction

I admit it. I'm an addict. Ever since I started this blog, my addiction to cyber life has been growing. I've recently crossed over onto a new frontier - facebook. And I can't stop checking it. My last blog post was simply justification for the ungodly amount of time I am now spending on the computer catching up with old friends. I'll have to truly restrain myself when I get the new computer hooked up and I can actually navigate the pages without my computer crashing.

Rumblings

Stasis. A great word. So truly captures the feeling of loss of momentum. That's what I've been feeling lately. Not completely so , though. My days have been full of reconnecting with old friends from high school, college and my time in New York. I was blessed to have so many loved ones to return home to when I left New York, but I find that over time I have been gifted with many other people that have never truly been forgotten. These people share my history and some piece of ourselves will always be bonded fondly because of a shared experience. I guess you can only turly begin to appreciate the meaning of friendship until you start to get grey hair. We talk about how people pass in and out of are lives, but rarely does anyone ever mention that they can pass beck in again, too. And I think that's miraculous. Anyway, my days have been full and rewarding even if they haven't been traditionally productive.

Another New Year

Another New Year has dawned and I can honestly say I'm happy where I am in my life. It's a good feeling. I know restlessness will begin again because contentment just doesn't seem to ride easily on my shoulders. But I'm okay with that too. Don't know what the next step in life will be, but I look forward to it when I decide to make it happen. Our New Year's Eve festivities consisted of our traditional Chinese food dinner and shrimp with cocktail sauce. Not at the same time, of course. The way we celebrate has changed over the years, as we get older and as new generations develop their habits. Not that I didn't or don't enjoy going out and having a rolicking and devilishly self-punishing-the-morning-after celebration, but I have come to enjoy beckoning in the new year in a low-key fashion with family and friends. I can remember when New Year's Eve was almost as exciting as Chrismas Eve. I can remember getting into discussions about which country is first to celebrate the new year and getting so wrapped up in the conversation that we pulled out the encyclopedia. When I was even younger we would get out all the pots and pans and make noise like holy terrors for the first few minutes of the new year. Then, of course, we would call everyone we knew to find out what they were doing. When I was younger there seemed to be more excitement and anticipation everywhere. New Year's Eve was a true holiday, not simply an excuse to get drunk, which is what it becomes for a lot of people. I've been there, too, and I'd tell you about it if I could remember. Nowadays, there's no special lead up the the ball drop. It sucks. I can remember the pre-peach-drop-in-Atlanta days. First there was the Baby New Year special with Father Time. Then came the Wizard of Oz. We didn't have a VCR or cable, this was the traditional yearly seasonal fare that was available. (Random Aside: The world started to go to hell right about the same time we could rent, then buy movies. When childhood memories become commodities, many of them cease to hold meaning.)This year, the boys chose the movie. Hellboy.

Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore.